Out with the old

IN WITH THE NEW! Here's hoping for a better year!! :)

Happy New Years everyone!

I don't understand

Why do the things that are supposed to be good for me stress me out so much?

Why is it so much easier to do the bad things?

It's tired

I am so over selfish people -- people so wrapped up in their own gunk that they can't even think of anything beyond them. Ew, I hope people don't think of me that way.

I just want to tell people sometimes, hey, get over yourself! Hi, there are other people out there. And you're being a sucky friend.

2010: shitty year or shittiest year?

Christmas past and other things

On Christmas day in 2007, I saw the movie Juno at a theater in San Francisco.
On Christmas day in 2008, I had my parents and sister visiting from Illinois.
On Christmas day in 2009, I was in Dallas with my family.

This year I'm with my animals, not doing anything except listening to Led Zeppelin and watching "I Love the 70s" on VH1. Thank you VH1 for playing non-holiday goodness. I just don't want to celebrate at all this year.

My dog majorly farted early and we're talking sounds and everything. It's weird to hear your dog fart. Usually you just smell it, you know?

Now is a time to reflect on 2010 and I've been told to remember the good things that happened, the positive steps I made towards recovery and stuff (even though I've totally been backsliding since November, I still have the skills and experience somewhere in my mind).

I've been in the process of moving everything over from a 6 year old laptop over to a new Dell 17 and let me tell you, it's a huge pain in the ass. Going from XP to 7 is not fun! And that's my nerd update for today.

My bionic eyes

Hmm

I've decided that my psychiatrist needs a raise.

GFY

I just got a very nice sort of rejection from the company I interviewed with last week. Basically the recruiter said they were bringing on a couple people to the company in the next few weeks and the team I was interviewing with only needs one person. He's hiring on a one-by-one basis. So, it's not ruled out completely but did her, "We'll be in touch" honestly mean they'd be in touch, or was it all a blow-off? It was a really good one, if so. At least it wasn't boilerplate.

Renegade

I missed the fabulous Renegade Craft Fair this weekend. I just wasn't up to it. How lame is that?

This weather is poop. I'm tired of the rain, dudes.

Dream

I had a dream that I went to work and packed up all my stuff and it oddly felt really good.

The positive and negative

+
I had a phone screen and a phone interview.
I think they went well.
I want the job...


-
I'm really feeling depressed.
I'm feeling self-conscious about the interviews.
I spent another half day in urgent care again (2nd time in 3 weeks) and they can't figure out what's wrong with me.

I need this

14 x 14 pillow!!

I am in a happier mood from earlier today and last night. Why? 'Cause something good might be happening. :)

You can't ever really be yourself

Oh yes, they say that you should be yourself. Friends say that they want to hear what is going on, but you know what? They don't. No one wants to hear what's really going on. I'm not allowed to be having a rough time. I let OTHER PEOPLE have their rough times, but the people in my life don't seem to be able to allow it. They avoid me, ignore me, tell me I'm too much, or tell me to contact someone else. Why???

So it leaves me wondering, what am I supposed to do?

Do I just pretend like things are great? Do I keep everything in? I thought friendship meant that two people could be OPEN and there for each other? It just doesn't seem to be working that way for me, and I'm really frustrated. I feel lonely and sad and defeated.


EDIT 2/25/2012: I've noticed I get a lot of traffic from this post. I want to know why!
- Why did you click on this link from your Google search?
- Do you read any other posts from me once you're on my blog?


5/12/2012: REMOVED THE IMAGE. STOP LOOKING AT THIS POST, FREAKS!

GI (minus Joe)

GI = gastrointestinal.

I gots it.
And mine's bad.

So I started a blog about it as I try to figure out what's going on in there. If this kind of thing wigs you out, then don't read. If you want to read about my tummy, it's here:

what-the-gi.blogspot.com

The big one

This mofo turned ONE yesterday! She had a celebration with her best friend Reggie, Reggie's brother Rocky, and other new friends. For the most part she just fought for Reggie's affection when Reggie and Rocky seemed too involved. Thankfully, she did not get humped by anyone, so that was good.

We've been through a LOT in these past 10 months together, Dakota. You've driven me crazy. You've ruined my carpets. You torment my cats. You are insanely protective and love your mama.You've made life harder, but the world is a better place for having you in it. Happy first birthday, big girl (belated one day).

My bah-beeeeeee!

Later, San Jose

It's time for a few days in Chicago!

My dog in snow

Isn't she a precious little thing? I can't wait to see her tomorrow!!!!

Thoughts on snow

I really don't like snow. Okay, I like it for maybe 5 minutes max (oooh, it's pretty!) and then it can go away. I bring this up because I'm going back to the Motherland (Illinois) on Sunday and they're supposed to have snow on Saturday. On the upside, it will be fun to see my little doggy play in the snow. On the downside, everything else. Good thing I have those killer rain boots right? And a snuggly peacoat! Well at least I'll be stylin'.

"Cheese or snow?"
I choose cheese.