Much better

I'm in a much better mood than I was last night. Whew, that was a doozy! When I woke up with my boobs on fire this morning I wasn't sure what kind a day it was going to be. It was kind of up and down in a flat sort of way (the day, not my boobs). That makes perfect sense right? It does to my brain.

So, I got Bear and he is a cutie. I haven't handled him yet though because you're supposed to leave them alone to acclimate for the first couple of days. I'm going to really introduce myself tomorrow and hopefully I won't get a bite out of it!

I don't have any pics of him yet but you can look at this page and see the black dwarf. Interestingly, it tells me that he will turn silver as he ages.

Three appointments tomorrow! One is with an endocrinologist. Interesting -- possibly.

Come Undone

This is how I feel right now. I've come undone.

This is also:

• a really good book
• a great song by Duran Duran
• apparently a porno? I don't know -- that's what I gathered from the Google Image search I did

Little Bear

I had to go to the pet store to pick up dog and cat food today and I decided to check in on the hamsters. I fell in love with a male black Russian dwarf hamster who was happily sleeping in his little nest. He wasn't curled up. He was sleeping on his side with his little feet crossed. He kept moving his mouth which had a little crumb on it, probably having a sweet dream about munching on something tasty. I immediately decided that if I got him, I would name him Bear.

It's so tempting, it really is, but there are cons to it:
- My dog
- My cats
- No room to put him
- Yet another thing I'd have to take care of and clean up after which I already struggle with at the moment


BUT, BUT, BUT...he was so precious. I will have to think about this tomorrow. He was all alone in the cage so I wouldn't feel bad taking him from siblings...

Bear!

Betrayal

I feel like Killface when Barnaby Jones reveals that he's actually Xander Crews.

Desperately seeking

...a delicious nap.

Today = fail

I pretty much failed in every way today but I think I will write 10 things 5 things I appreciate while I wait for my Ativan to kick in. :)

1. Nice cops that let you off with a warning.
2. My pets snuggling with me.
3. An amazing support system.
4. Email from friends.
5. When things are finalized (i.e. not in limbo!).

1, 2, 3 o'clock rock

It's somehow 3pm now and I have so much to do around the house and can't seem to do it. I am really good at procrastinating, but that's not a good skill to put on a resume. My dog is in daycare for another 2 hours and when she's here it's really hard to get anything done. She encourages messes. Yet I cannot seem to start anything. It's driving me insane, but I can't do anything and will distract myself with anything to keep from cleaning up. Frustrating, to say the least.

There should be a pill for laziness. I've tried the caffeine route and it's keeping me alert but not doing anything for my motivation. Where did I get the idea that caffeine helps with motivation? Probably the same place I thought wine would get me motivated, just because one time I ironed like 20 shirts while drinking wine. Or cranked out several cards in one sitting. Regardless, it's a silly notion to hold on to. But alas, I am a silly girl.

It's actually been three weeks since I last drank. I decided to give it up for a while because... well, there are a lot of reasons. I'm feeling really good about that decision. Solid!

Okay procrastination nation, let's get to work.

Don't tell

Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I watch iCarly on Nickelodeon. And I like it. That's not weird at all, right? RIGHT?!

All I have to say is

You're a bitch, bitch.

Inspiration from the 80s

A very wise Pet Shop Boy once said this:

"there's a lot of opportunities, if you know when to take them you know? there's a lot of opportunities; if there aren't you can make them."

Who's laughing now? Me. I am laughing.

I just can't decide on a background for my blog. It probably changes every time you look and you're getting hella confused.

My lawyer emailed me with a very cryptic message that he thinks he has good news for me, but he doesn't know if he can call me tonight. What a tease! That's not nice!


Life... I want to freeze time while I figure things out. I somehow just passed my half birthday and it's freaking me out that I will be 35 in August. How is that possible? Well now I want to cry. Ah, but Sarah Silverman is in her late 30s and she acts 20 and I can be like Sarah! I swear she doesn't age. She must use that penis cream on her face.

Terminating!

Oh, hello.

I <3 free wi-fi. It's so pleasant! I can actually get the interwebs for my netbook anywhere that I have phone service because I can use my phone as a hotspot or whatever. It's pretty sweet. Gotta say I'm loving my new phone. (It's a Nexus S for any curious cats out there!)

So I'm at Starbucks right now trying to eat a piece of pumpkin bread even though I know how many calories are in it (stupid law!!!) and my tummy isn't super pleased but whatever. Eat to live, or something. I'm trying to avoid having to go into the hospital so... I'm trying. Slightly. Not enough. It's not enough and I know it but people just don't understand how hard it is. It's maddening.

Broken glass

You used to be exciting. I felt a sense of pride every single time I was with you. I can't believe I'm here; I'm so lucky, I would think. Now the sight of your name scares me. I can't go near you. I am shaken to the core.

Today I broke a gift you had given me in 2009. I didn't do it on purpose, but I wonder if fate was just giving me another hint?

Sunshine and rainbows!

My blog has taken a big turn for the depressing, I know.

So, I give you this!!

Six months

Wow, I went on medical leave 6 months ago now. I had hoped that by this time I would be doing a lot better but I'm not. I'll keep working on it though.

Sickly

Come on Provigil/Nuvigil...do your thing, because I am soooo sleepy. I've been sleeping a ton and it's pretty good sleep (as far as I can tell) but you see, I'm having health probs. I found out I have something called "dumping syndrome" (not a cool name) which means my stomach is emptying too fast and causing all sorts of fun effects. One such effect is exhaustion. I'm just dragging. It sucks. I'm being referred to a special clinic at Stanford Hospital and I'm just waiting to schedule an appointment. I really want to figure out what's wrong -- get the bigger picture. I have felt sick for a long time now. Too long.

Lord, please explain?

Larry the Cable Guy is going to have a show on the History Channel.

I will only take so much lameness

All I'm going to say is that a whole bunch of people need to go on friend vacation.

Don't let her fool you

Oh, she seems all sweet and everything but she's the biggest (cutest) pain in the ass ever.