Still waiting...

Can this please be over soon?

I'm still alive

What to update with? I'm started this health-related program on Thursday and it's basically all day and exhausting so I've pretty much just crashed Thursday and Friday night when I've gotten home. It's pretty intense.

Honestly the week's been a bit of a blur. I have weekends off which is nice! Maybe I'll actually start liking and appreciating weekends again.

This has been an insanely boring update -- my apologies!

The dress!

I've been invited to a wedding in mid-May and of course I immediately freaked out about the dress (I am NOT skilled at dressing up at all!) but I found this one and I liked it from the start. I don't know what size I am so I ordered two of them (Nordstrom is really good with returns).

Whispering voices

I need to listen to the little angel, not the devil!

Sister time!

We love each other.

Welcome home

The Idles of March

I need to clean!

I need to pack!

I am completely idle though. Kind of like paralyzed.


But I have a cat on my lap so, I guess that makes it okay.

I miss my doggy!

I dropped DK off at daycare this morning knowing I wouldn't see her again until Saturday afternoon and that was sad. I will miss her a lot. I already do!! She still does things that make me want to strangle her at times but for the most part I just say, "oh well" and move on. Don't worry -- no strangulation occurs. For a long time I couldn't bond with DK because she was naughty and I thought having her was a complete nuisance. I regretted getting her. I think it's good that she was with my parents for three months in the fall/winter. Now I love her to death. She is my little cuddler. At night she hogs the bed and I don't mind one single bit. Love that dog!!!

(And a shout out to the cats because I adore and love them very much!!!)

Once ugly...

I grew up feeling really ugly. It wasn't until after my jaw surgery in 2007 that I could see some glimpses of possible cuteness. I am not saying I am cute. But I am so much happier with my visage! Still, I think if you grow up feeling ugly, it's really hard to get over that. The shame and low self-esteem lingers. :(

Light and fluffy

A lot of terrible things going on. My heart goes out to the people of Japan.

The California coast got hit as well but very, very minorly in comparison. Thankfully my boat, the Chumm Guzzler, was not docked in the Santa Cruz harbor at that time. If you watch the show Archer, that's funny. If you don't watch it, it doesn't make sense and you probably find it distasteful. My solution for that problem is: freaking watch Archer.

I've had a pretty bad week but things are a little better. I'm not going to betch about it. Just some problems, and a couple of "big" things that require decisions and scary stuff.

Let's remember that nature is beautiful...

...and we're all going to die someday.

I've got a weak heart

Anyone is capable of breaking your heart. It doesn't have to be a significant other. And lately, there's been a lot of heartbreaking going on.

Maybe I'm too much of a wuss to handle things. My mom has been telling me I'm "too sensitive" since I was a kid (gee, thanks). I can't help it...

People really just need to stop taking my breaking heart and trying to blenderize it, because eventually the slop can't be resurrected into anything useful.(i.e. I think it's killing me and right now I'm not so opposed to that happening).

Zazzle!

I really discovered the amazingness that is zazzle.com today. Oh sweet jebus, what an amazing site. I totally geeked out on apple stuff: shoes, keychain, stamps, envelopes, and business cards. "Business" -- more like just personal cards. I thought about putting the URL to this blog on them and then thought better of it!

Very, very recently (I think it started this weekend), I started to think about what it would be like to just sell my house and go somewhere else. A complete fresh start. I'm just wanting to run away from things here right now. In reality though I love the area and this is "home." I'm just going through some stuff. And I just bought 150 "personal" cards with my address so I better stay put.


Two pairs of shoes I ordered:

I feel like

Dear managers

I'll get by

I'll survive

when the world's crashing down

when I fall and hit the ground

I will turn myself around

don't you try to stop me

I've got a case of the weekends

In other words, I hate weekends. They just suck for me. First, I am on medical leave still, and weekends are nothing special. I just have a break from appointments, but it's not like appointments bug me. They give me something to do anyway. Yes, mama needs a LIFE! And if anyone has any suggestions on how to get one, please let me know.

On the weekends, everyone is out doing stuff and junk that they couldn't do during the week. Yeah, I have some stuff I should do but it mostly involves doing stuff around my house. Okay, I'm depressing myself.

Nobody wants to play with me. Boo-hoo!

Bear beginnings

I don't want to jinx myself, but I think that I might have picked a nice hamster! This would mean he's completely the opposite of my last hamster, Kashi. Kashi was pissed all the time and you could just tell. Bear seems pretty laid back, let me pet him while he was in his cage and then let me hold him. He was nervous, but he was a good boy. I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

Snark!

Don't you hate it when people snark you, or you presume they are trying to be snarky, but you're not even sure? Then it just kinda eats away at you.

Well, change all the "yous" to "I/me" I guess. I'm a snarky bitch but even I don't appreciate this kind of snarkiness.

Endocrinologists suck

I had my 2nd most frustrating appointment with a physician yesterday. It was with an endocrinologist and I don't even know why my doctor wanted me to go. Apparently he didn't understand either. It was totally frustrating, confusing, upsetting. I can't get into details, but I got nothing out of it.

My #1 most frustrating appointment was in 2003, when I saw an orthopedic surgeon about my wrists which were all janky since I was 17. Anyhoozle, this guy moved my wrists around a little and then told me I had nothing wrong really except that my "energy flow" was off because I was taking medication for depression. He told me to get off of my medications and I'd be "fine." Then at the end as I was leaving, he handed me samples of some kind of prescription NSAID. It was ridiculous!

I followed up with a REAL surgeon a month or two later and despite having to wait two hours for the doctor (crazy Stanford clinic), she diagnosed me with a ganglion cyst within 30 seconds. Sure enough, an MRI confirmed a ganglion cyst in the right wrist and a small ligament tear in the left. I had surgery that year to correct both.

I've seen many types of physicians. Endocrinologists, you have now been tainted in my mind and if you're reading this, please explain what it is you do or how you even help people.

Hey doctors, you're usually pretty cool with me, but endocrinologists? You suck.