Interview!

Interview in 20 minutes. And I'm so tired. Chugging down diet Coke like it's nobody's business.

I keeps it real, but I don't want to keeps it too real in the phone screen, if ya know what I mean.

I don't like holidays.

It's the coffee

I shouldn't drink coffee. I just shouldn't. I get sickly almost every time I have it, which means I get nauseous for hours and hours afterward. It's not fun. My stomach doesn't like it. Yet I go for it anyway because I need the boost from caffeine. Oh life, why are you so difficult?

OK, seriously, I think I'm going to throw up. No fun.

The window lady actually liked my house. I was able to pick up a lot of stuff. Still, there is much to go through and a lot of organizing to do. Anyone want to help? I swear 25% is PENS. I have so many GD pens. And I almost bought more today! (I restrained myself.)

Ooops, I started writing this an hour ago and then forgot about it. Still feel sick. :(

Jackassery and winning

Well, no one else has emailed me on match. Obviously I'm just such a catch that they're scared. Or...they're scared for other reasons. There are many reasons to be scared of me.

My boss (well he was my boss' boss at the time) told me I scared him. Hahaha. Man, that guy was a real douchewibbler.

In a few minutes I have to go crazy on my main floor like a dance floor! That didn't make sense. I have to clean and de-clutter because the window lady is coming at 3:30. Soon I'll have non-disgusting curtains in my living room. Yay for domestic fun!

WINNING.

Online awkwardness

Whenever I see it's someone's birthday on facebook, I always wonder: should I wish this person a happy birthday?
You might think, "Well, yes. They are your FRIEND" -- and it's true at least to an extent. I don't 'friend' random people I don't know.
But maybe this person NEVER comments on my posts. Maybe they didn't wish me a happy birthday. Maybe I'm just filler on their friends list until they get around to cleaning it up.

And then I think, OK friend -- screw you. You don't deserve my birthday wishes.

That's not very FRIENDLY of me.

And onto other online weirdness...I joined Match.com. Hahaha! I know, hilarious. So far all I've gotten are some emails from a couple of losers that are too old for me (or can't string along a sentence). The latest email I received had no grammar issues, but seriously the guy looks like a retarded Carlos Mencia with a wonky eye. No joke.

I can't.

I'm gonna get myself organized!

In my front hall. Nice!

My next purchase?

Will be a new body. One that isn't...well, isn't like MY CURRENT BODY.

Nookie

I bought a Nook and basically, it's awesome.

How to have a crappy Sunday

1. Find out you've gained 10 lbs. in the course of only a month when you didn't need to gain any weight.
2. Watch your dog piss on your carpet.
3. Rear-end someone while turning right because they got dumb and stopped (and I got dumb and didn't pay enough attention).
4. Buy a Nook and then fiddle around for it an hour trying to make things work and fail.
5. Come home to find smeared poop on the floor because your dog is BAD.
6. Ruminate on all these failures.
7. Repeat #6...etc.

Which is more boring?

1. Hospital
2. Airport

I pick #1, personally.

Chicago, Chicago...!

Here I come. For like, 36 hours. And technically the closest I'll come to the city is O'Hare... otherwise I'll be in Oak Brook. Feel free to stalk me now, creepers!

Furniture and old man pants

I ordered a desk for my foyer from the lovely company JCPenney. Remember them? Yes, they still exist. So I order this desk and I am naive enough to believe it's coming assembled. Oh, silly me! It came in two big boxes. What am I going to do with this?! Frustrating.

But you know what's more frustrating? My BACK. It kills. I'm a grumpy old man pants bad back havin' mofo.

So now what? I don't know. But I am traveling to Illinois tomorrow to attend a wedding. I'll pretty much be there for 36 hours or something. Something crazy like that.

Damn, it's just not normal to be in this much pain from doing pretty much nothing. It's pretty awful.

Wittiness needed

Well I obviously have been drained of whatever magic I had to post such wonderful posts.

So note that my title is not WITNESS needed because if you need glasses, as I do, it looks a little like that. I should be getting my new glasses in a week or two. I wish I could find my pair from last year 'cause that would be kinda helpful. Damn you, astigmatism!

I'll try to work on some kind of post that has a theme or something. I have to do so much crap before I leave for my trip on Thursday. (Going to a wedding!)

Gastrofun

I had my four hour gastric emptying test today. I forgot to take my loaf of bread and apple jelly home after the test so they now belong to Stanford Hospital! The test was fine -- it's just boring. There was a lot of waiting around. It was long. The end.

It's kind of funny...

How loyal I am to friends. It's a trait I like but doesn't serve me all too well!

Some people are just lame. I don't want to be lame by association, so I'm happy to announce that I have one less lamer in my life now. :)

Yummy goodness

The obsession continues and now that ecojot.com has an online store (squeal!!!!) I will be stocking up on even more paper goodies. Like this fine thing!

Does this artist know me? She certainly has a knack for making things I adore.