Boca!

Oh who's going to Boca March 15-18?! Just me!!

ZERO

I make like NO money. 40% less than I made at my previous job, honestly. It's hideous. I hate it. I have TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE to be paid this little. I can barely cover my mortgage, bills, expenses...

I wanted to plan a few day trip to Florida to see my friend Marissa. Am I going to be able to even swing that? I NEED A VACATION and my current wages are not making it easy for me to do ANYTHING.

Hey Mountain View!

I see you checking out my blog... if you are from where I think you are, I kindly ask that you stop reading.

Artsy

Don't fix what ain't broken

Blogger changed the way the comments page looks. I don't know why. It's not bad per se, although I don't think it looks that great. It just reminds me of FACEBOOK -- the kings of making UI changes for -no- reason. They just employ a bunch of people that have nothing more to do than tweak pages and frustrate users. So stupid.

Usually it's all for $$$. They are usually only optimizing pages to create ad space, show ads more prominently or something. It's rarely about "customer satisfaction" and pretty much all about the green.

Massages

What's the point of getting a massage when the next day it feels like your whole back is covered in bruises?

You can't ever really be yourself II

It's weird. Ever since I put the traffic ticker up on my blog, I can see that people are finding me through this post. What's with that? I Google'd the exact term and yeah, my blog shows up prominently, but I don't know what makes people want to click on it. And then what happens? Do they read more of my blog? Do they disappear forever? What made them click on my blog link in the first place?

As the wise group C+C Music Fatory stated in the early 90s: things that make you go hmmm.

For anyone reading, I just want to say thank you. I enjoy blogging. And I have several blogs (some public, some private) and it is always nice to find out that people are actually reading my blog and enjoy it. It was so nice to read that a few of you really enjoy following my blog. That meant a lot to me! So THANK YOU!

Not so bad

I'm feeling better -- rejoice! The day lasted forever but now I'm home and I have Dakota on my legs (she's watching TV and is also on kitty patrol). I can't wait to snuggle with her tonight. :)

Sad clown

I wanted to write a very serious and open post about some stuff that came up today (thoughts/feelings) but I just can't write it on a public blog, not knowing who is reading it. But if anyone wants to know more, you can ask and I'll figure out a way to reach you or have you reach me.

I cried at work though, which I don't enjoy. Then I cried later in my car, and when I got home. I don't necessarily feel depressed -- I think I was just sad about the state my life is in right now. And I'm frustrated with myself for letting it be this way and even causing it to be somewhat miserable. Guilt, you don't do any good -- I wish you would leave me alone. :(

Lad looks at other gals

I feel absolutely sick. Don't know what it's about but hopefully I'll feel better soon. I wouldn't quite say it feels like I've been hit by a truck yet, although I would say a decent sized van. The best term I can come up with to describe how I'm feeling right now would be gross. Just gross. :(

In other news, I think my company should give me a big fat pay raise. Not really for any reason in particular. I just want more money!

The teeth situation has been determined -- I'm going to get bonding on 4 teeth. It'll make 'em purdy. The total comes out to about $1400 which is just a little above the cost of one veneer, so I'm clearly making the better financial decision. I'm getting my "teeth done" (like hair, right?) on March 14. Should be a hoot!

Hey lurkers!

So, I put a traffic feed thingamajig on my blog to see where people are coming from that read my blog, and I've noticed that there are regular visitors that have never introduced themselves! So a challenge to those that read my blog but have never commented -- comment! Tell me how you found my blog, why you read it, and anything else you'd like to share.

Mean doctor

Down with unsympathetic bitch doctors! :( I feel so stupid right now. Had I been feeling better at urgent care, I probably would have snapped at her or told her I thought she was an a-hole, but I was not feeling well at all. Agh!

Me and the dog

DK

Two years (and 2-3 days) ago I got Dakota. Neil and I flew down to Burbank and picked her up from the odd breeder people. She was so scared. She was so tiny and cute. Here's a picture of her on our first day at home. I <3 you Dakota!!

Places, people...

Places I'd rather be right now:

- Wailea, Maui
- Cabo
- Santa Barbara
- Texas, visiting Suzanna
- Almost anywhere else, even if it's cold...

I need to be around someone. I think I feel lonely. Yes, I definitely do.

Who wants to be my friend?

Able-fied

Things are going a bit better, although I feel like my mind is torturing me. (I know that doesn't sound "better" but I'm not a sobbing mess now at least, so that's an improvement.) Work is work. I'm getting all my hours in which feels good. But today a girl came back after being out for two months due to an accident and she took most of the work that I usually do. I just wasn't feeling it today -- not at all. Had a lot of trouble getting up, then was running late so I didn't shower, then wore a scratchy turtleneck sweater and was hot and uncomfy all day. Oh and should I mention the afternoon diarrhea? That was a treat! 

7 days of hell

Wow, things have been rough times. Last week was horrible for me emotionally for personal reasons but also because of some stuff that went down at work. However, despite work making me want to cry my eyeballs out a gazillion times, it was actually a very productive week. After a slump that lead to an even bigger slump, I suddenly just woke up and got out of it. Things started 'clicking' a bit more and I moved on, which is what I needed to do.

And I only cried in front of my boss once and a co-worker once. I've been there 3 months. I'm already breaking down. GREAT! I feel like the biggest tool and no doubt they must all think I'm just a big weirdo. I'm the oldest on the team (older than my boss, too) with the most work experience and I'm the one breaking down and crying like a little baby. Oh please save me jebus!

By Friday I wanted to dig a hole and hide in it for a good 12 hours. I decided to eat a real dinner (yeah, haven't so much been doing "meals" which is adding to my instability, I know) and then I hibernated. Saturday didn't really go all that well but I can't blog about it. Let's just say I was stupid, made some bad choices, and stupid stuff happened as a result. Sunday wasn't much better. And then today? Oh it sucked too! Stressful appointment with my doctor (and much awkwardness due to being lectured about some things) and then a rough appointment with my dietitian in the afternoon. Just really stressful. She's freaking out about my nutrition status.

GAH, so yeah, it all just sucks right now. I don't know yet how to handle everything or what I'm going to do. Do I need to go back to St. Louis and finish what I started? Do I do something local? Do I just keep trucking and trying to do it the way I have been, which I haven't been able to do so well? Very difficult questions to answer.


To show I'm a good sport, here are 5 things that do not suck:
1. My very cute doggy with her beautiful hair cut!
2. The two coolest cats I know, Tig and Colby.
3. I have a job in the first place.
4. I don't get reflux anymore!!!!!
5. My friends. Thank you!

I will never go again...

And you can't make me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is so clear

That I do not know how to talk to bosses. :(

...

I just confessed it all.

Spies

It's always interesting when you find the spy who has been blowing your cover...

And say this spy just happens to be at your place of business... what does one do?

I'm with Alexander

This was a terrible, horrible no good very bad day indeed.

Mortality

I'm pretty sure I'm going to die soon. I can just tell; I can feel it.

Or, maybe that's just one of my anxiety disorders.

Kinda sucks either way, yeah?

Instability

You know you're having a rough day and not doing so well when a video clip on Tosh.0 makes you start crying and you end up in a 20 minute sobfest.

Guilty of being a slacker

I'm behind on my hours for the week so I've been working the past hour and a half here at home. It sucks. With the pain I have been in for the past few days, I just have had a lot of trouble getting in the hours, but let's face it -- I always do. Part of it is because I have so many appointments per week. But I get a nagging sense that it's also because I'm a total slacker. And so why am I a slacker? One reason I think is because I'm bored. It's time I learn some more stuff I think because I'm just getting too bored. It's far too monotonous. I need to break up my day -- different things to do, meetings, whatever! Because what I'm doing now I can't really do 8 hours a day without completely flipping out I think.

I'm meeting with my boss on Tuesday but I don't feel like I can tell her this...

I felt stupid all week at work too. Pain + painkillers = no concentration. Someone tried to train me on something and it's all just a complete blur now.

In other news, I got to eat REAL FOOD today (does IHOP count as real food? I think so). I had a pancake (Cinnabon-like one!), scrambled eggs, and hash browns. So yummy, but I never got the feeling of fullness, which sucks. I'm still hungry. I hate that. I guess it's because I've been eating so little and so infrequently the past 2 weeks?

Might go to Panera in a bit to work more and have some soup. For now, my painkillers are telling me to rest! This condition I have really sucks! And I hear it can take several weeks to go away, too.

Google geek

The woman that personally hired me at Google in 2002 now: COO of Facebook and worth 1.6 billion. Good job Sheryl!

Pain explained

Well it turns out I have costochrondritis which is a fancy name for saying I have inflammation of the cartilage in my ribs. It probably started with irritation by stitches. According to the Mayo Clinic website, people with this pain can mistake it for a heart attack. Yeah, that's how awesome it is!

There's really nothing that can be done about it. Rest, ice 3x/day, and take Advil for the inflammation. And take Norco for the pain as needed. I'm practically nodding off right now. Scratch that, I am nodding off.

I think I need to take a nap.

Stalling out

I'm a little frustrated because my pain just isn't getting any better the past several days. It feels like my healing has stalled out a bit. Probably going to head home in 20 minutes so I can take some more painkillers and be more comfortable on my couch.

The slow-down in recovery could be normal, or maybe it's because I'm exerting myself more by returning to work. I don't really know... I will ask my surgeon tomorrow.


I'm having sort of a rough day. The day started out pleasantly when I found out Dakota pooped on the floor by my garage entryway. Then I had to wait entirely too long to get 6 vials of blood drawn. Feeling kind of down about work & stuff. Getting worn down by a falling out with a friend. I feel emotionally spent. I feel like I need a good cry. Oh, I also got gaggy today (3 times) and that hurt like a mofo. No pukeage, thank Jebus, but what's up with the gagging?

It probably doesn't help matters that it's 4:15 and all I've consumed was a Rockstar Recovery beverage. Totally nutritious right? Gonna go home and have...surprise!...YOGURT!

I'm feeling bummed that veneers cost so freaking much. Braces would be cheaper, but braces are torture. I'm not up for 6-9 months of pure hell. I can't do it again. Totally kicking myself hard for not wearing my retainers. I really fucked that up. After everything I went through, too -- I'm an idiot.

Teeth

I've decided to get my teeth bonded (rather than getting veneers). This is less scary, less expensive, and probably less CONTROVERSIAL. You wouldn't believe the flack I've gotten talking about veneers!

So, yay.

Oh and of course my dentist had to point out all the flaws in JUST MY 6 FRONT TEETH ALONE... awesome.