Dear Love

Please oh please come visit me. I need you now.

A pure bred dog

I might be paying to have a pure-bred dog, and I mean MORE than the $2000.00 that Dakota actually cost to the breeders...

I found out at the vet yesterday that she has hip dysplasia and some arthritis. She's 2 years old and 3 months. I'm disappointed.

But much, much more, I'm SCARED.

Borders can easily live to be 15. I don't want Dakota's older years to be filled with pain and trouble walking. When I took her to the vet yesterday, there were a few older dogs I saw that just about broke my heart. I almost started crying, I felt so bad for them. They were too skinny, arthritic, couldn't walk well, and seemed so sad. I welled up, but then we got called back.

It took me a little while to fall madly, deeply in love with Dakota. It's a long story. But now I DO. and it breaks my heart to think she's going to have trouble down the line because of these issues. I just emailed the breeders who will be totally defensive and will tell me this is so uncommon and DK is an anomaly, etc. I know. Because thy don't want to be seen as bad. I told them I wasn't looking to post anything bad about them but they are still likely to say something to protect themselves.

I love Dakota. i think I will get her some of that doggy ice cream this weekend. :) She deserves a big treat for being my amazing pup!

It's good!

I feel so much better, I am happy to report. DK, however, is not, and I need to take her to the vet today. Poor girl hasn't been eating, throwing up (and on my bed in the middle of the night!) and then wouldn't walk on one of her paws this morning. :( Please send happy healthy doggy vibes her way!

Am I gonna heal from this?

[Deleted]

Crossover blog

This is from my private blog that I've decided to share here...


Well, there has been a major, major disaster and I lost someone that was a good friend for 3 1/2 years. Even if she didn't live in my state, I visited her 4 times (almost 5...) in that time. I saw this person through struggles, multiple feeding tubes, big marriage problems, a miscarriage, and a miserable pregnancy -- through it all, really.

And she just decided that I was too triggering, too upsetting. I wasn't worthy of being in her life because she's had four good months of pretty solid recovery. The girl that said she couldn't be triggered was somehow triggered by me? It baffles me.

I bought gifts for her baby, sent her Buckle cards so she could get several clothing items for free, mailed her huge boxes of cute clothes, flew to SLC several times, paid for hotel rooms, bought her meals... it all doesn't matter. In the end I was thrown to the curb like trash. Like TRASH. 


IT HURTS LIKE MOTHERFUCKING HELL.

I've lashed out and said some stuff I shouldn't have said on my non-private/non-ED blog (this blog) and hurt her more and got her husband pissed at me. He even emailed me! I was like, fuck off...I had already deleted or edited the posts by the time he emailed me anyway. I'm not proud of the way I acted; I was just so insanely hurt and I don't think 'insanely' would be an understatement.

She asked me to never contact her again and even to not read her blog. (Her blog is still public, by the way.) I know she has said stuff about me so I did read it a few times.

I plan on getting her out of my life completely though. I'm so hurt and so bitter... she has clearly moved on without a care in the world that she hurt a sensitive person. There's nothing I can do.



Hey people in the woodworks that don't usually post, I could really use your help and support... anything?

It's time

This perfectly sums up what I'm doing. I cried the river, and now I'm building the bridge. It's hard work, but that bridge is going to kick some major ass and then I'll get over it. :)

Time for some positivity! Things that I'm enjoying now:

1. The Shins' new album Port of Morrow -- I wish I had any skills at doing reviews because I would write a fabulous review for this album and band! Every song is killer! James Mercer is just getting better and better. The lyrics are getting more complicated, as is the music. Complicated in a "Holy crap this band is amazing!" type of way.

2. Friends that are not fair-weathered and really care about me. Out with the old shady fair-weathered liars! Yay for friends, family, and my support system for sticking by my side and always encouraging me. I love you guys.

3. Work. Whoa, did I just say that? Yes I did! I have my days, that's for sure, but work is clicking a bit more lately and I'm feeling more confident in what I'm doing and that's a good feeling!

4. My new carpet cleaner coming this week -- goodbye cat pee carpet lovin'!

5. Despite the above, I just adore my creatures that purr and wiggle and snort because they love me. :)

Being mean

Normally I am a nice person. I really, really am. But sometimes I do have a vicious streak. It comes out when I'm extremely hurt. Defense mechanism. And there are other times when it just comes out just for the hell of it.

Take last night, at Taco Bell. There was this big curmudgeon of an old black lady. She was shouting at all the employees that they were stupid and slow, and while one woman was ringing up my order, the psycho beast says, "Hey and I want sour cream too. How much is the tax on that?" and the lady was ignoring her, and rightly so, because she was in the midst of helping me. And that when old curmudgeon asked her if she was "new" or something. I got my receipt and went over to the bar area to wait. She was still chastising them so I said, "Hey, you're being incredibly rude." She glanced at me, and said that I could mind my own fucking business. Once she waddled on out of there, the Taco Bell employees thanked me. I mean, this women was a real witch!

See, I fight my own fights. :)

Venting

Thanks for putting up with me and this blog the past couple of days. I'm done venting and this blog will return to its usual randomness soon!

Slander

I'm not sure you can call something "slander" if your name is never mentioned and no one that freaking reads this blog has a clue who "you" are, probably. There's a difference between venting and "slander."

So to the one that says I slandered them:
See the definition of "slander" below, it says it must be FALSE STATEMENTS about someone. Um, honey child, my statements were certainly not false.

At any rate, what are you doing reading my blog? Thought you said you wouldn't be reading. Not sure why you're reading this if you don't want me reading yours. You're a total hypocrite in every single way possible. And with that, I'm done "slandering" you. Haha.

slan·der  (slndr) n. 1. Law Oral communication of false statements injurious to a person's reputation. 2. A false and malicious statement or report about someone.

Hypocrites rule

Gotta love people that are completely hypocritical. You know I do!

When the tables turn on you

Don’t think sorry is easily said

Don’t try turning tables instead

You’ve taken lots of chances before

But I ain’t gonna give any more

Don’t ask me

That’s how it goes

‘Cause part of me knows what you’re thinking...

Losing friends

I lost a friend today. It sucks.

Where does the time go?

My vacation to Florida went fabulously. I chilled, I slept, I ate, drank...and was merry. Thanks Marissa! I stayed at a beautiful house and my bed was so comfy. The weather was beautiful and I got plenty of vitamin D (I'm vitamin D deficient, so that was good!). I got to walk across the street and swim in the lovely Atlantic. Unfortunately Marissa doesn't do water, so I had to go play by myself. I didn't go very deep but the waves kicked my trash. I ended up getting soaked (I hadn't planned on getting my precious hair wet). Then I didn't shower for the rest of the day and kept licking my arm. Salt, mmmmm. What am I, a bunny?

My flight back was delayed by an hour so I didn't get home until 1:30 am (Monday) and got in bed around 2. Then it was up by 8 to make it to an appointment and then to work. Needless to say I was a little grumpy. I don't do well anymore when I don't get enough sleep. It hits me fast, and it hits me hard.

Anyway, I've just been busy with appointments and work. That's about it. I didn't really take many pics in Florida, so you get nothing! :)

Pie in the sky

I'm up in the air and it's exciting. I have wifi on my first flight ever (I ADORE VIRGIN AMERICA!) and plus my own tv screen in front of me. I have Comedy Central on. So happy day. :) Happy flight! Wifi was $13 but I didn't mind. Well worth it! :)

This is awesome!

America's wang

On Thursday morning, I'm off to...

HOLLERRRRRRRR!!

Hello.

Now look below. Wouldn't we have a cute baby? YES.

Dr. Who

I don't watch Dr. Who (in fact I kinda sorta hate that show) but this is just hotness to trotness....

YAWN

Sorry I haven't posted all week. I just haven't had much to talk about I guess. I had a major crybaby fit tonight listening to my cry song and thinking about my dead cat, Sneakers. It was a full moon driving home from work which triggered some sadness, which made me think, "damn I should cry," which made me put on the song Colorblind which lead to many crying spells all night.

There was only one person I really needed to talk to tonight and he wasn't available by phone, text, or email. To quote Morrissey, "to say the least I'm truly disappointed." But I can't expect him to always be available and who knows what he was up to tonight? He lives his own very independent life from me, even if that wasn't always the case. Sometimes that hurts. A lot.

Having food issues today, not gonna lie. 2 glasses of wine can equal a meal right? Sigh, not really. Calorically, maybe, but I should know better. Wine's not food. To quote Pickles from Metalocalypse, "Booze ain't food." I bet most of you don't even get that reference!

Vacations: I am going on some! March 15-18 I'm going to Boca Raton to see my friend Marissa! Then in early May I might be going to NYC to meet Josh and maybe see Scott and Kira. And then in early June I'm going to NJ for Scott and Kira's wedding. Travel, travel! Yay for 6 hour flights huh? I'm trying to fly on Virgin America because they offer wifi. I don't understand why ALL airlines aren't offering wifi. I've been on some planes that say "Wifi" on the outside of the plane and then they didn't even offer it! What the fudge?!

Might start playing badminton as a new person at my company used to also play competitively in high school, as I did. I'm way rustier than she is and I don't trust my wrist, but I really, really want to play. Plus I'm out of shape, chronically dehydrated, vitamin D deficient and have gimp wrists. Obviously this is going to work like a charm! Just. Wanna. Play! Screw the pain!

Well for a "YAWN" post I had a lot to say!

See how they twist and shout!

Listening to this song makes me think of the modeling industry. Thinking of that makes me think of my own eating disorder, anorexia.

I don't usually openly talk about having this eating disorder and I'm not going to delve into details. It was just NEDA week (National Eating Disorder Awareness) and of course I heard nothing of it except for my friends that are fighting (or have fought) themselves.

Models. Hmmm. I can't say my eating disorder started because I wanted to look like a model. Actually, at the age of 15, I wanted to look like a 70 lb. gymnast. That was my "ideal." It was the 1992 Barcelona Olympic Games and I so wanted to be Shannon Miller. I had never been a big gymnastics fan before then, but I saw those games, and saw Shannon Miller, and I was captivated. In awe. Gymnastics has never been the same for me since she left the sport. I still think of her very fondly...even if I can specifically pinpoint that as the real start of my eating disorder.


Anyway, it's just ummmm, interesting.


20 years later, here I am. The 2012 games are on this summer. I'll be watching, but I will be weary. It's been a very long time.





Villains - Verve Pipe





I turned the volume up this morning
that there was ringing in my ears
I felt this good in years

another villain on the cover
of every major magazine
the victims somewhere in between

see how they twist and shout...

and as I'm searching for the story
subscription card falls to the floor
I'm losing interest more and more
to pick it up I'm bending over
out of the corner of my eye
I see a pair of blazing thighs

see how they twist and shout...
see how they twist and shout...


I straighten up to look her over
and up my back a shooting pain
it's bound to settle in my brain
another villain on the cover
of every major magazine
the victims somewhere in between

see how they twist and shout...
see how they twist and shout!!!

I love her

Me at work

Doesn't it look like I'm having such an uber blast??

Nathan

I know this dude named Nathan. He's been commenting on my blog for something like 2-3 years now (time flies, right?) and he never fails to crack me up in his responses. He should probably comment more than he does, in my humble opinion. Even my other friends that comment think that Nathan is awesome.

I can't really say much about Nathan because that's his private crapola and he might beat my ass to a pulp for letting out his secrets (Ha, he'd have to come to California first!).

For some reason Nathan found my blog one day and he read some. But what's most impressive is that he came back, and read more. Then he was soon commenting. For the longest time, I was like, who is this Nathan character? But I've been lucky enough to chat with him and get to know him better and he never fails to bring a smile to my face, whether we're talking silly things or serious things.

I'm pretty sure Nathan is my soulmate but tell it to his girlfriend! Hahaha. But in all seriousness, thank you Nathan for being a friend. (Now I dare you not to get the Golden Girls theme song in your head!)